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Part 1: The Spaghetti on the Wall Effect

The St. Petersburg Times’ relationship with the Church of Scientology could never be said to be pleasant. As the main daily newspaper of Clearwater, Florida, also known as “Scientology Town” or “Flag Land Base”, Scientology’s spiritual headquarters, the Times has become nationally renowned for its coverage of the peculiar organization. This summer, it outdid itself and blew the lid off the hyper-secretive group’s internal business practices with “The Truth Rundown”, a 3-part print series supplemented by online media exposing the misdeeds of Scientology and the frightening behavior of its Chairman of the Board David Miscavige.

On October 5th, Orange County will similarly find itself home to a central battle in the life of an equally peculiar and erratic social movement renowned for an equally eccentric though far less secretive leader. Nestled by the Saddleback Mountains in Mission Viejo, she moonlights as an attorney while holding down a dental practice by day. Despite numerous death threats, occasional property damage, a casual relationship with reality and a capricious disregard for legal customs, Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq continues a battle against the system that might be called epic were it not so bizarre.

Who Are the Birthers?

It’s a movement both familiar in manifestation and unique in action. Like the Birchers of the 1960’s railing against John F. Kennedy’s election and Richard Mellon Scaife’s bankrolling of conspiracy theories regarding Bill Clinton (both real and otherwise), the Birthers are the latest version of a common theme of reactionary rejection of young Democratic Presidents. The John Birch Society, first achieving notoriety for embracing theories of Communist dominance in the Eisenhower Administration, were shunned by conservative movement leaders like William F. Buckley and Barry Goldwater. Similarly in the 1990’s, conservatives were emboldened by allegations of Vince Foster’s suicide being faked and Gary Aldrich’s explosive tell-alls of life as an FBI agent in the Clinton White House.

With the Birthers, we see history repeating itself, but in a slightly different way, and perhaps with an even more bold charge than the Soviet flouridation fantasies of the Red Scare or the occasional snide remark about semen-stained dresses. They take the conspiracy theorizing a step further, to a full-on j’accuse at the entire American government. If their belief that President Barack Obama is not constitutionally qualified to hold the office of President were actually based in fact, the practical implications for the government and for the people would be far-reaching and devastating.

Fortunately, this will not be a problem we shall have to contend with, for reasons that will be discussed throughout the series. But in their fervent belief that President Obama is simply not our Commander in Chief, the Birthers have come to mimic a pattern that the Birchers of the Cold War and the Freepers of the 1990’s established. That pattern is something I would call the “spaghetti on a wall” effect. People who fall prey to the spaghetti on a wall effect are so firmly entrenched in a fundamental belief that whenever a justification for that belief is debunked, they seamlessly embrace a newer and usually progressively stranger justification.

Who are these people? It depends on what perspective from which you would like to observe them. Polling data suggests that your average Birther is statistically most likely to be a white male conservative Republican over the age of 65 living in one of the former Confederate states. Anecdotal travels around the wonderful world of conspiracy theory web sites suggest the average Internet-savvy Birther frequents conservative sites like FreeRepublic, WorldNetDaily, PrisonPlanet and the Canada Free Press. Their visible presence at Tea Parties and town hall meetings suggest that the civic activist Birther enjoys Glenn Beck, Alex Jones and other talk radio hosts inclined to discuss theories regarding transnational governance that find mainstream acceptance whenever young Democratic Presidents come into office. But all are united by some deep-seated belief that the current federal government has failed to meet their expectations and obligations to serve their interests, generally in favor of the interests of a monied, somewhat sinister and invariably vaguely-defined “elite” or “political class”.

It is that innate skepticism of the current cast of characters in power that drives an obsession with something as mundane and clear-cut as the birth of a President. And that obsession is not entirely their fault. Since Vietnam, skepticism of government has become a bipartisan problem with sweeping consequences for our political environment. The understanding that our government has, does and will continue to lie to the American people is a pretty tough fact to absorb. It’s a reality that makes voter mobilization more and more difficult, which is directly related to the increase in the costs of campaigns. And a continued lack of transparency in government operations further enables that distrust to the point where even when a government official tells the truth, a pocket of dissidents remain unconvinced.

A Show About Nothing?

Such is the sentiment we see with the Birthers in their response to the preponderance of evidence validating the mundane reality of President Obama's existence. Yes, many of the President’s personal records remain under lock and key, not to mention sealed with the assistance of an unlimited legal defense fund with liberal trial firm Perkins Coie. But the certification of live birth (COLB) presented to the public by Obama’s campaign in the summer of 2008 provided all evidence needed to verify the President’s constitutional qualifications as President. The COLB is also backed up by several birth announcements made in Hawaiian newspapers. The United States Congress deemed him constitutionally qualified in accordance with their constitutional obligations for the certification of the 2008 Electoral College results. Even the principal supporters of the so-called “Birther bill” (HR 1503, requiring presidents to file birth certificates with Congress) admit that if passed the law would not force President Obama to release his birth certificate or prevent him from discharging his duties as President if he does not. By just about every single practical legal standard, Obama’s eligibility to be President of the United States is a settled and indisputable fact.

And yet here we are, just days away from a federal court hearing on this issue. For the first time, a court of law will hear evidence presented culled from a tangled web of theories only the World Wide Web could weave. I suppose the more appropriate question to ask is which theories won’t be thrown at Judge David Carter for his consideration? At the rate that Birther counsel Orly Taitz can theorize, he’ll be lucky if she leaves out the ever-popular notion that Obama, the Bushes and most members of Congress are in fact reptilian humanoids from the Alpha Draconis star system that are nourished by our negative emotions. I wish I was making that up, by the way; while Ms. Taitz herself is not a disciple of cryptozoology, a handful of Americans are actually convinced of its veracity.

Over the next few days, we will examine this movement, the players within it, and its place in our current political environment. For in the age of the Internet, cable news and other vehicles for rapid response, the cause of the Birthers has consequences beyond a simple (if odd) legal battle. Those consequences affect the ability of conservatives, Birthers or not, to counter the President’s rhetoric and record in very profound ways. And only when we consider those consequences can we act accordingly and treat this movement properly.

So tomorrow, we look at Ms. Taitz herself and her story, her tactics and her place in the Birtherverse. The day after, we break down the story of President Obama according to the Birthers. And finally, we conclude by examining what conservatives face with the growing presence of Birthers in the political world and in the Republican Party. Should be fun, right? I sure hope so.